i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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