I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
