I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
