3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
