No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
