I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
