I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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