I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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