He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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