I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
