get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
