I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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