i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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