I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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