No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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