Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
