So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
