I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
