i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
