We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
