Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
