I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
