I think I won the penis lottery.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
