If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
