hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
