"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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