I hate all girls vehemently.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
