It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
