For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
