I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
