My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
