Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
