Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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