He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
