At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
