You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
