Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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