his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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