White coat. Heels.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
