this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
