he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
