I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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