Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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