But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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