It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
