the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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