Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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