This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
