i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
