you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
