We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
