So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
